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asholdah

2010-12-24T09:43:00.001+08:00

asholdah = my life is in your hands

Posted via email from shades of grace

angel and mortal!

2010-05-23T08:41:00.003+08:00

Angel and mortal is a fun game in class!

Posted via email from yijia's posterous

this is an experiment

2010-05-23T08:25:00.001+08:00

Testing out the wonderful posterous...

Posted via email from yijia's posterous

If posterous works...

2010-05-23T08:03:00.001+08:00

Was thinking of abandoning blogger, but since it an be imported, so I'll just leave it here.

植物/人

2010-05-21T20:40:00.003+08:00

哈哈，写诗写到了瓶颈。很久没有用中文写部落格了，这是很久很久以来的突破啦！

其实写了这么多首诗，有几篇嘲讽校园政治，几片开心的写照，但其他的都分为两大类：自讽与emo。两种都诉说着一种坚持，但性质不一样吧。一种是沉溺，另一种是回首一笑。

自讽成了主要题材，不是因为我是个疯子。或许会听人说，自讽往往都是伤害自己的表现。把过去不愉快的人、事、物成为自己的“养分”化为创作题材，说起来潇洒，但谁在这个过程中不是在自己的伤口撒一把盐？

植物和人一样，除了养分其实更需要水分。（空气是前提啦！）在找养分填补自己的空虚时，我们是否意识到，我们最需要的不是养分，而是水分？水分的地位更崇高，是任何养分都不能取代的，它要比所有不愉快的人、事、物站在更高峰。有了水分才找养分的植物，才不会伤害自己呀！相反的，没有水分的植物永远都处于不满的状态，怎么多的养分也是空虚，这就是EMO啦。

所以，自讽是因为有比身边我所写的人、事、物更高的‘水分’。

SUMMARY:
Thank God for being my spiritual water so I can mock my past in a painless way because I have a new heart to begin with!

pre-seventeen prelude

2010-05-17T21:45:00.008+08:00

On the brink of turning one year older. Many thoughts, many feelings. I was still pretty apathetic few hours ago, until I realised the excitement.

I was thinking about my seventeen years in life and the many people I want to thank for helping me make it thus far.

1) Papa & Mama
Papa, you are awesome. Weirdest dad to have. You taught me how to fish with your peculiar understanding and theories. I always remember to learn with understanding and not memory. You introduced be to a world of forgiveness, planting the seed of my salvation since young. I can't thank you enough.

Mama, you were always there for me. While I fished all the sucky stuff in life, you taught me how to deal with each and every smelly fish and even crying with me when I'm bitten by sharks. Thank you or your attempts for fattening me up with your superb culinary skills. They make my efforts to slim down very, very hard. I love everything you cook. Can't thank you enough too.

2) Sis and Bro
You two crazy crazy crazy people. Aiya, I know we always make noise, argue and blah but that is what brightens up the house, really. Thank you for your edifying sharing and letting me use the computer although you hate it, Yi Le. Thank you for your random comments that make me laugh and treating me to our Sunday snacks, Yi Yang. You guys rock.

3) Mdm Lau
She made an impact in my life. I won't ever ever forget. She is an angel sent by God that changed my life. I can safely say I did not die in what M calls the 'evil society' back in Primary School because of her wings of protection and rebuke that shaped me to be a better person. Her motivations were evidently Godly. Thank you!

4) Jean, SP, ZX
Amazing people I still keep in touch with after so long. It feels so good to come together once in awhile. In the midst of ever-changing reality, it is so heart-warming to see somethings are still constant. The kind of click we share cannot be explained, not as if we talk alot. Remembering wonderful canteen times in Pri Sch is a topic we never fail to talk about, yet not growing sick of. You guys form wonderful memories but I'm glad your are still in the reality of my life!

4a) NICOLE EYF!
You rock to the max. I hope we can talk moreeeeeee! ONG TOOT TOOT, LIB MUGGING, THAI KIDS, PRI SCH TIMES, SUCKY SEC SCH EXPERIENCES, DELICIOUS SAMBAL FRIED RICE, SUMO HOUSE, GOD. We've been through thick and thin and you're like the person I know for the longest besides my piano teacher and family. You are dearly missed!

5) Sages clique.
The seven of us! Thank you Xuelun for a wonderful yet traumatising childhood shared, and all the talk about music that binds. M for all our satirical poems, pictures, accessories, defining-style, going to toilet, and every random talk under the sun or even not talking at all. YT for movies, intellectual discussions and non-intellectual but still intellectual discussions, sharing of thoughts so openly, you are super good to talk to. Jiayi for your wonderful cake-baking skills and continually praising me to be better than M to suan1 her, they are like funnier than encouraging, but thank you for bringing laughter into boring school days. Yuqing I miss you like gazillion loads already when can we go out ahhhhhhhh, sharing life with you is just simple heart-warming talks or hellos or blog tags or facebook status comments. SHIFU of course, I learn alot from you when it comes to money and speed wahahaha, but thank you for being bubbly and full of funny comments and encouragement especially when we flunk some CS thingy together!

6) ZWA!
Although I don't know each and everyone of you yet, but thank you for sharing life together and making it meaningful by serving God together. Thank you for all your prayers in these pretty tough times. Special thanks to Yunyi who takes initiative in communicating about our common problems, thank God for you! Yunian who asks us every week if we are okay and tries very hard to get things arranged. Dewen who pops by and is concerned about our lives and being random. Cruise for being lame, yet encouraging at the same time. Shi Xin for being...wonderful, I love your cards. Clifton who is inspiringly prayerful! Alot alot more... etcetc I hope I can list all of you here next year, but I really thank God for you brothers and sisters everyone of you who make up a family! (:

6a) Subset of the above, two special people.
ZhiYing and Jiamin! Thank you ZhiYing for everything you have invested on me to make me part of the wonderful family. My life would never be this way if not for your courage to take a step to invite me. Jiamin for everything including train rides and all the random talks that are strangely encouraging, you seem to appear when I'm uber tired. (:

7) God.
7 is a perfect number. Say no further. My life is soooooo exciting because I know you. Thank you for every wonderful thing You have done starting from the moment You entered my life. I hope as I grow older, I can know you more each day, love people more each day. I know you have a purpose for me wherever you put me to be, so use me! I thank you for all those mentioned from 1 to 6, because you placed them in my life. (:

Conclusion: I still have alot of people I have yet to thank such as Welfare, CO. Your made my life fun, challenging and enjoyable, all sorts of mixed feelings. Somethings do fade with time, but looking back at old pictures brings back really fond memories, I hope we really catch up soon and bridged whatever's lost with the fading of time. (:

star star star

2010-05-16T19:53:00.002+08:00

Concluding my favourite show XINGGUANGDADAO6, it has come to an end. SIGH, my only source of entertainment has ceased. :(

spoiler blogger

2010-05-06T21:47:00.002+08:00

2 posts in a day!

Attempt to rewind blogging nostalgia.

Anyway, sometimes life comes to a point when you are required to make a choice. I don't know how many wrong ones I have made, going against so-called principles I used to think was for life. I wonder if I grew more mature, or become more childish by the years. I don't know to stick to my so-called principles or what. Family support is important and I really thank my mum and sis for that. My insistent on somethings just gradually fade away. Pragmatism overtakes idealism when you grow older, so is that part of maturing? Or just the lack of belief, something along the lines of child-like faith?

It can be summarised in a song, all these reflections and eveything. Can't copy the lyrics what is wrong with blogger!

this is no cyber-junk

2010-05-06T21:32:00.002+08:00

I have indeed neglected this precious cyber-space. It used to be a window of imagination, but, now relctance and dread has overtaken it. Not that keen to blog anymore, I wonder why. Part of grwoing up, I guess? Not that I'm mature or anything.

EYF! Miss you loads. Thank you for your tag, amongst all the busy hustle and bustle it feels good to have someone who cares. (: Ya, we are like so cliche saying the same things over, but yea they are important.

when the music fades and all is striped away

2010-04-22T21:16:00.004+08:00

Passion for music can fade away,
Admist all the struggles,
All the efforts put in amount to nothing except failure and dissapointment.
I still want to believe.

Results they are basic for a student.
They get me to the university.
They fail me.
I still need to believe.

I can believe in alot of things.
Change?
Yes, but what used to be my network of support and encouragement changed too.
I still want to believe, that it comes back.

Friends are great.
But we all have our moments when we aren't the most understanding.
I am like that myself.
I still have confidence to believe.

Family.
We depend on them.
What if... they are gone?
Who would I then depend on to cope with the biggest loss?
I still want to have and need confidence to believe.

Jesus.
You never fail me.
Though I have failed you countless times.
You are BELIEF.

masquerade

2010-04-11T09:16:00.003+08:00

I've climbed the ladder of success,
I've fallen yet again;
If there's one thing I ever learnt,
Is to deal with shame.

I've gone under agony,
Dealt with repression;
But I've chosen to channel them,
In this form of expression.

In this dark, sophisticated world,
Almost all are slaves;
Except those who climbed and never fall,
Who hold their facades in place,

How could life just carry on,
The mindless Utopian way?
This is when we need some inspiration,
For someone to save the day.

In this dark, sophisticated world,
Many are but slaves;
Except those who fly high and free,
Those who have been saved by grace.

glow

2010-04-11T07:55:00.001+08:00

God-lead-our-way.

Sigh sorry God I failed your test last minute and broke my own promise of loving people more.

Yet, I passed another one of faith to go in despite it being the last 20 minutes of service. How apt, the teaching was on praying. I think I really learnt alot in unexpected ways. (:

No mountain of being spiritual attained, just a path I keep walking and keep walking while learning along the way.

easter means...

2010-04-06T22:13:00.002+08:00

My life itself is a victory. I won't complain anymore.

I will learn to love the unlovable, I will learn to become a prayer warrior.

Easter's that. Thank You Jesus for dying for my sins, for giving me a victorious new life.

hols

2010-03-25T21:06:00.003+08:00

Haven't been updating. But the hols was mad.

RVSC CAMP: Change Happens
How true. One of the best camps I ever had, really. Thank you all F2 peeps, fellow facils, JJ seniors! Let's live the legacy and carry on in this spirit, I'm sure we can do great things!

-Gospel meeting on Thurday night with Dad. Learnt pretty cool new stuff.

Friday: Bicul symposium rehersal
Fellowship! So happy to see my lg people!
Sat: Bicul symposium
Thanks Helaoshi for sacrificing time to help us prepare/reherse!

Sunday: Sheng Hong CIP
MONEY!

Gone were the holidays. There, Monday in your face. The whole week has been hectic. Thank God for sustaining me through. Fancy being late for school on the first day! Totally spoilt my mood la! Lost my specs the next. Though it was...Free cone day! Whee!

I love the whole SC camp buzzing community on facebook!

a level rhapsody

2010-03-07T16:30:00.004+08:00

Youghurt yum!

School's been hectic. I can't go out thanks to the not-yet-back results. I don't know maybe when I get them back I have less reasons to be let out of the house. With the A levels released much has been said. My cousin got quite good results, so congrats Bertina!

My mum has a friend's daughter who got 4 As and 1 C. Pretty good results. She's been labelled since her mum and dad didn't climb very high on the education ladder. Mad. Just because your parents didn't go to school doesn't make you stupid! If they had a chance they would have also seen their potential, and not stop where they are due to lack of money on their parents part, with like family obligations to provide for the younger kids. What's wrong with these people. I can't stand people of older generation who by having more education look down on those with less, and like kan4 suay1 the kids. Crazy. Too bad if they're highly educated/smart cuz the kids will have more pressure on doing well. Even if uneducated, common sense should tell them that this baseless conclusion! -.-

But somehow, negative pressure is better? I rather have people look down on me than have too much expectations on me. Not like I'll live up to it and I am not obliged to, cus I am FREE okay! Will still study hard. In 15 months time, the biggest exam in my life.

shame off you

2010-02-25T20:33:00.002+08:00

"Shame on you!" Yes, I am your object of scorn and mockery. Being a scapegoat feels bad, but the scars you bear are even worse. "Shame OFF you, and God bless you."

3-in-1

2010-02-15T08:20:00.005+08:00

I actually missed the countdown by falling alseep right in front of the TV. Joke. Oh well.

Uploading wayyyyy overdue immersion pics on facebook now. I love the worry-free days spent there. On a side note, looks like post-As travelling is quite popular. Can't believe my cousin is going to Korea! I am going to do just that. I will go to Vietnam, Taiwan (the family trips I missed) and Thailand (Chao Tai Mai) to visit the kids!

Yesterday was a three-fold meaning for me. New year. Vday. And Spiritual Bday! I'm a one year old in Christ. Feeling quite excited! I've been on this crazy journey for one year already. All the faith experiences ranging fom waiting for bus to providence for food. Pesecutions from my mom. Her flaring up time and again. Desert experience in China. Everything... is great and worth it. Cuz I have a worthy Savoir to be praised. Placing all the past unhappiness, I was given a chance to forgive myself and others and live all over again. I wonder what would I be doing if I'm not typing all these in thanksgiving. Perhaps wallow in self-pity about the how'lil Vday pressises I recieved? Wondering when would I not celebrate Vday as just a friendship day? Hoping in my hopeless self-efforts to be loved? But now I know better. I can celebrate Vday every year now onwards with one who truly gave His all for me!

Oh on Friday had a chance to speak with many people in the unit and get to know more about their lives. (: Particularly inspired by one selfless soul who would fast for his friend and his mom who is in hospital. I plead guilty for feasting infront of him. Opps.

New year goodies are super fattening! I don't even need to eat the actual meals to feel full. My throat is dying cuz I already have a sore throat. Today is going to be another day of visiting better control my mouth.

mortality means you die

2010-02-10T22:14:00.004+08:00

橘红的街灯
照亮我回家的路

I'm not about to write some hoo-haa poem, as much as I wish I could. Inspiration is called inspiration because it has to be inspired. I sound to literal for any poem-writing-person. (Not poet, mind you.) Maybe it does have some potential for continuity? I hate the idea of forcing out pretty stuff out of myself when I'm actually feeling nothing. It sounds shallow, empty and cheap. The thing is I'm not emo enough, which is a good thing?

Do I still make sense? Fine, cuz I screwed up the interview for Pre-U seminar big time. I am so under-informed due to... I don't know man!

For some reason I think I'm oppressed. By homework and basically the enviroment. The continuous pressure to catch up and blah. And can't stand people who are just basically... #$%^&^@#$!@#$%^&*. And all you can say is between -.- or !@#$%^&*(*&^%$#$.

The title is inspired my my sis inquiry for geog, population. Tired. I hate staying up late. I turn into a grump effotlessly for the moment and a panda for tomorrow.

i'm more than alive!

2010-02-08T21:25:00.002+08:00

School has been epic. With lampoon during GP, crazy PE lessons of choice between 6 rounds of intervals and 7 rounds of continuous run, free periods fretting over chemistry practical (recalling the good old days when titration was purely about HCl and NaOH). Haha I love my new classmates they are so funny and helpful. (: Life in school can past in the blink of an eye cuz we keep each other rather entertained.

Then had time to catch up with eyf (eleven year friend), can't imagine life without her. Where there's barely anyone my age to gaga over premature love-letters and a God-scripted (love)-life. People all think I'm crazy, but good thing we have a common understanding on this. AND ON FOOD! Oh how we both love to eat. The talk about good milkshakes, ice-cream...it could last forever. (:

Went on facebook due to some weird picture being tagged. Then I realised it was P2 class photo! Epic! (okay, everyone is like obsessed with this word apparently) and added many long lost people on facebook. Goodness. Life is just starting to get exciting.

the book that i finished in one day

2010-01-27T22:33:00.004+08:00

Teaching True Love to a sex-at-thirteen geneation. Everyone there's got a screw lose in my head for me to be reading this, I think. I am quite concious to cover the book jacket on the bus in case I get weird glares or snickers or something of that sort.

Actually this book is for erm parents and applies more in American context rather than Asia. Nonetheless, I still learnt alot about God's plans for our love life and our WHOLE LIFE. If only we let Him take the pen cuz He's able to craft great things beyond our imagination!

Using phone!

2010-01-24T07:49:00.002+08:00

BECOMING TECHSAVVY?

blessing is a thought process

2010-01-18T21:07:00.003+08:00

School's hectic. But time flies. HANG ON!

Have been listening to a few songs for tonight to unwind. Seriously all my cells that are able to blog are dead, wonder if that's a good thing. The computer has like minimal attraction to me now.

Blessings so far for the school year:
1] My biological alarm rings at 5am every morning now, so I guess that is a blessing.
2] My facil class rocks cuz they are like totally high and co-operative, understanding and comforting!
3] My class is :D cuz we help each other with homework duing free period and that is really encouraging. OH and help each other cut-queue to buy lab goggles. :P
4] Starts to feel giddy in specs, meaning improvement in eyesight?
5] Learning symposium was a breeze, thank God it's all over now.
6] I like all my lessons (: , just that CSC seems exceptionally exciting.
7] Mini-fellowship was awesome with goals!
8] Welfare outing with seniors, haven't seen them in ages and had good time eating dinner/ice-cream/joke and crap around/catching up! :DD

Oh ya, went JP for dinner with M. We walked around and started playing this lame game called...actually there is no name for it. We basically give each other a range and we guess what's the favourite thing in the whole group, quite cool and funny haha. Can try more of these crazy stuff next time heehee. (:

WOW I actually had quite a wonderful week/day. Despite being so tired and all.

balancing and avoiding

2010-01-09T09:55:00.002+08:00

Lalalala. School again soon, last two precious days of holidays and weekend.
Homework status: 90% done.
Better go do last bits of fact sheet and biblo.

New year, new class, new way of getting to school, new plans, new way of learning, new subjects. New so many things.

Same God to depend on.
Same God to surrender to.

I love this quote: The only constant is change, and God.
Pretty balanced equation yea?

There's a gazillions things I have to learn to avoid.
LEARN TO AVOID IF YOU CAN'T CONTROL.
I HAVE TO STOP INVITING TROUBLE.
I hate my stupid mouth and my stupid hands.

toastbox for breakfast anyone?

2010-01-05T05:36:00.001+08:00

Toasty is such a nice word. It is so warm in the cold, and so yummy when used to describe bread. (: Okay, that was random. But it has been a word stuck in my head.

Biological alarm back to normal. Woke up at 5am automatically.

singaporeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

2010-01-04T13:25:00.004+08:00

Around the world in 80 days.
My version: Away from home for 50 days.

I'm taking every moment to taste, smell and see Singapore again after being away for so many days.

Things that have made me 感动：
-Changi airport for being the cleanest 5star airport in the world.
-ba chor mee
-char kuay tiao
-bubble tea, with ice!
-taking the MRT
-seeing friends on the big walk day again!
-going back to service and people telling me "it's nice to see you again" or "haven't seen you in long" or "you're finally back"!
-the oil-less lunch I just had: udon with mushroom, carrots, sotong ball and prawns! (most yummy oil-less home-cooked food I had in ages)
-mee siam
-my home.

Conclusion: I love Singaporeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *inserts a big-wide smiley*
There's a bane growing up in food paradise. Everything outside pales in comparison. Oily, salty, sugary, but the taste? Not even close to Singapore food.

It is as if I am reborn again, everything seems new and refreshing yet familiar and heart-warming. Melting in happiness! (: Starting a new year with appreciation is a good one. Thank God I'm born here and not some other place with war, famine, natural disasters or not nice food!

Interesting fact I found out:
-the emergency brace position on plane is to let you die fast and painlessly.
random-.-

i must be dreaming

2009-12-30T06:05:00.002+08:00

I never had a dream come true
Until the day that I found YOU (God)

Seriously didn't know how it feels like to vision something in mind, about my future that is. Until one fine night in Gold Coast I couldn't sleep, things started piecing together really randomly that I don't think is my imagination but really a gift from God, the kind of life He wants me to have. Well, it sounds crazy. All these talks about dreams and future used to overwhelm me cus I am such an aimless person that I don't know where to go and what to do and I basically study blindly. Okay, not that blindly as if I'm the slave of my books, but blind enough to wonder where is all this mugging getting me. This dream is timely. This is my new motivation to start the new year. I'm no longer walking with some Chemistry textbook in my face, ready to bang into the next lamp pole or something.

谁言寸草心，报得三春晖
By the way its not only three, it is limitless. But if there is some mini thing 寸草 can do and choose not to, 那就太对不起了 isn't it. I don't want to end up being just any random good person who walks in His ways, and the end. There must be more! Where's the in between?

back to civilisation

2009-12-29T05:00:00.006+08:00

Now that it's all said and done, no I'm not about to sing Over You. Haven't blogged for more than a month and I guess I've lost all my ability to sound interesting. I am VERY lazy. Shall post pics of both trip soon on facebook, if I have the time.

It is time to worry about reality. I can't believe I'm growing old for another year. I can't believe I'm going back to school. Everything seems surreal. Gives me the chills you know. Scary.

I have alot to say about cultural differences and temperature differences that seems to drive my mum nuts here in a foreign land. Me too, just that you know with understanding things are a bit better. One good thing being a bicul student. Oh well. My sister just doesn't seem to care, stressing that her brains brought us here to Australia. It traces back to PSLE 2 years ago when she got the same score as me, except her HMT was distinction and mine was merit.

Okay shall highlight some of the stuff in China and here, just briefly.

没有如果：Okay, the 败犬女王craze spread like wildfire and alot of people were watching it. Hence everyone learns to sing the song. WITH INVENTED SIGN LANGUAGE. 情歌 was another song we learned, which is a poetic inspiration. (:

拜师学艺：The art of being thrifty, learn from Melody. Seriously, we are all horrible spenders except for her.

雕刻时光/乡村咖啡：Best coffee place around, we just go in order stuff and slack. And for the latter play with GIANT MICKEY poker cards.

写诗：Usually appears as taking notes and being hardcore during a lesson. Done my me and Meibao. But the fact is we have switched off and are too bored to listen what the lecturer has to say. On the way to the classroom, we take note of pretty scenery and then write poems during the lesson. Can understand why all the famous poets were born/were working in Xi'an.

THE sauce: Refers to sweet and sour sauce. It comes in various forms: fish, pork, chicken and tofu.

Wanrong/holey: Adj for fringe. HAHA. Someone bought the Empress poker cards and Puyi's wife is called Wanrong. She has a split right in the middle of her bangs. Side fringe when subjected to bad hair day creates splits in between, hence holey.

ASD: Short for anti-social device. Originated when Sharon plugs in her sweet pink headphones and has to constantly lift it up to hear what we have to say. Cus it is so cute both M and I bought one. HEEHEE. Acts as a good earmuff too! (:

Shifu's toilet theory: It states that if you are urgent, you will have good luck for cards. If you are VERY urgent it doesn't work anymore. If you go to the toilet, it ends your good luck. Tested and proven, believe it or not.

Meibao's song-in-the-head theory: The best way to get rid of a song in your head, is to replace it with another song.

Neoprints: 10RMB for 9 diff photos. Quality not as good but hey, it's cheap! Oh and it's quality is better than the 4 dollar machines in SG. Printed by a printer. -.-　

木瓜：Secret code for speaking in Chinese so we get good bargains and for safety reasons to avoid pickpockets.

I-SCREAM: Best in winterrrrrr!

奶茶：七茶in Beijing and more random shops in Xi'an. FAVE is 布丁相思豆碳烧奶茶！

read this:杨柳青青杨柳青青柳柳柳柳青青青柳柳青都在杨柳青

Lastly, I love my pretty room mate who is the best shopping pal, poem critic and best person to talk about anything random under the sun! Such as naming random drawings in a restuarant. Thanks to one of it I'm constantly being teased as having 桃花运！What thing! Yea, it soon evolved to joke of the day, cus I'm basically the origin of anything funny you guys think of. Will elaborate when I think of more. Oh yea, I lost my specs.

Australia isn't over yet, but Gold Coast is. I was forced up and ride I never thought I would go on. Superman escape in movie world! It's the craziest roller coaster ever and everything else pales in comparison. So I came up with a stratergy: get on the ride and scream all you want. My sister hates going on rides with me. I have the tendency to poke her continuously before the ride, scream during the ride, and laugh after the whole thing is over. Barely see chopsticks here, and all meals are chips and more chips. I want my Hokkien mee laaaaaaaaaa. (Attempt to teach my Austarlian Uncle singlish haha)

Til I'm back, that's all folks. (Looney tunes craze still on.)

ridiculous ahhhhh

2009-11-11T08:56:00.002+08:00

Okay I guess this place will remain as such until minimum 19 December and maximum after the countdown party. WOW. Just found out that China has NO BLOGGER, NO FACEBOOK AND NO YOUTUBE.

What? Siannnnnnnnnnnnnessssssssssssssssssssssssssss. I live on these three things okay. Might as well just don't even give me internet connection at all.

On the other hand it might be good cus it means less distractions. I can concentrate on the tasks on hand. Well, we can always still play cards, listen to music and talk crap I guess.

this is THETHETHE song

2009-11-09T21:47:00.005+08:00

DESERT SONG

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on his promise I'll stand

All of my life in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

And this is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I receive I will sow

Yes, this is THE song. Exactly what I need. I am ready for my trip to the desert. A trip for refinement though I guess it is one that is filled with hunger and pain. Triumph is on its way. HOLD ON TIGHT! I'm amazed how timely this song is played for praise on the last service-the last one in the next seven weeks to come.

slap!

2009-11-06T19:34:00.003+08:00

Gearing up for a spiritual battle that will be surely thirsty. And gosh. Quote Fongyee for all that's below.

If you do not mind it very much when people use His glorious name in vain; if you do not mind being seen in places that were built to be places of sin, if you do not feel deeply offended at the fornications (aka pre-marital sex) in your favorite movies, at the scoffing at the Glorious name of Jesus and that jokes that defy His very throne and slap His face in rebellion, then you hate Him.

And it’s really not hard to figure out because Jesus said ‘You will hate one and love the other always’. If you love the world, you hate Him, or else Jesus was wrong. ‘Hey, let’s watch a movie tonight! What? There’s nudity and there’s twelve GD’s? A hundred and forty ‘F’ Words? That’s alright, I’m free in Christ.’ Freedom from what? Freedom to let some of the WORST words that could spill out of a human mouth serve as your entertainment and yet you still claim that you love him with your whole heart! You make light-hearted gestures at the very things that murdered him. Not only that but you just spit in the bloody face of the Lamb of God as he hangs on the jagged wood taking your wrath and you say ‘Don’t worry. He forgives.”

— Nate Pfeil (The Fire)

GOSH. >< AH! EH...
That was like a slap la. Good slap. Slap to wake up! At least good thing I don't bring this groggy blur kind of mood to battle and die unknowingly. GG. Just realised what kind of screwed entertainment we are being exposed to nowadays, just any normal teenager on the street. The truth is that we watch these things everyday and gaga over the romantic aspect without being offended at how untruthfully it potrays love. Why do we become numb to it and take it as 'normal', when it is not? Have to realise all these is FICTIONAL. And we do know some people who model their life after them? GOSH. That is why they need TRUE LOVE. Though found, I wonder how many actually are secure.

Yea. Just some reflections after they thought-provoking video. I'm just one of those people not offended enough after being exposed to screwed entertainment. And it is well recieved, cus people actually like these kind of stuff. What is wrong here mannnnnnn.

someone give me an appropriate title

2009-11-04T10:28:00.004+08:00

I repeat myself I think too many times that I think I get annoyed with myself. Either my brain has no new thoughts or I run out of words to express myself. Now my brain is actually empty, so, tell me, now what?

This is the randomness blogpost ever. Just can't believe I approached this window with nothing in mind, typing anything that comes to mind.

Now that there is something to talk about. Card readers are exceptionally annoying. Why so many types of cards and so many type of card readers. Yet nothing fits. Why waste time on useless inventions that is invented to waste time. GRR.

I suppose I want to revert back to the tofu diet after my dad's psycho talk about health and slimming again. I haven't been exercising with him and I have problems completing 1.2km. Gosh. That means my stamina sucks, any three year old can tell! And my sister finished her 5km in...30mins or something? Like WOW! I laugh at her as fat but the person who has like health problems is me?

Holidays rock. I'm left with a few more days before I embark on the crossing-equator-reaching-tropics-and-back-then-do-the-same-to-the-south-tour. Starting point: Singapore. First stop: Beijing. Second stop: Xi'an. Third stop: Beijing. Forth stop: Singapore. Fifth stop: Perth. Sixth stop: Adelaide. Seventh stop: Melbourne. Eighth stop: Singapore.

Not actually going to so many places, but the transfers are making me blur. HAHA.

dryyyyyyyy

2009-11-02T07:37:00.002+08:00

Can't bare to leave this blog dead. Yet, I have nothing much to say. Flying off soon to a dry place. Pun explained: literally and spiritually. BIG FAT CHALLENGE.

UH oh, I can't be short and sweet after all. You know the feeling of wanting to tag a friend but decided to do otherwise? Sigh I think that sucks.

On a brighter note, forgiveness rocks. At least, I think. I am glad I can talk to some people normally again. (that means more than one) Suddenly feel more relaxed. I wonder how long that will last or when things will take a bad turn. I don't want that. I have no idea to what extend what was the reason for this, but I'm just glad that friends that have gone through much, are still, you know, friends. (:

woo random ability rediscovered

2009-10-27T19:43:00.003+08:00

The last thing on earth I thought I would do is to meet up for PDP project. AFTER EXAMS! LIKE... %&*IBGJKT%^&*(^%^&* HELLO!

OH WELL. But it was kind of fun, given Xuelun gave YQ a haircut in ion toilet, and bubble tea at the basement. Gosh Xuelun is like professional okay. A weird Sunday, but spent with friends, worth it. No matter how mundane or crazy it is.

LALA. Can't wait for school to end. Subject combi shopping and mock o level papers for us while junoirs play their days away. Growing old is a big bad bane. Year 5 is going to be crazy. Everyone declares to turn into a full-gear mugging monster. Oh no, I don't think I can do THAT. *Glups.

STRESS AH. I heard there are people buying like econs assesment book and reading up already? Wa crazy, next year no time to relax already! Can't they make use of this time to chill and breathe before they lose their chance after the clock strikes twleve at coundown party? Seriously. ZZZ. Heh, I think my style of randomness is back heehee.

thankful that grace is grace

2009-10-22T20:41:00.004+08:00

Papa: This turbo fan is damn cool man.
Yi Yang: Learn new trick (yoyo) already.
Papa: You can't feed your family by playing yoyo.
Me: Why did I even type this?

Today was great. I sort of conquered my fear of skates. I thought I would never balance on that thing. Then went to eat subway with M. HAHA, and we conclude eating subway with not so shou2 people is not exactly advisable, since it is pretty unglam. Sigh so nice of her to let me leave earlier and chiong for cg, opps sorry leave you to finish lunch alone ah... Oh before that we went into this super cool shop with lots of crazy bimbo badges and some weird decos which are pretty good for presents.

CG was great, we had great fun talking and simply fellowship together haha. One thing that really spoke to me from the teaching was that, I am used to the fact and praises of being 'nice'. But really, are they genuinely of a loving nature? It is quite scary being hypocritical and I don't want to be that!

Anyway, few things happened and I start wondering why am I like always sidelines/second/next in mind/not first choice in certain aspects despite trying very hard already. Trying and putting in my best for various things, trying to be good salt and light... Why am I not deserving of my efforts? Then I realised if I keep measuring myself with the norms and standards obviously that is not going to work out yea. Like hello, we are supposed to be FREE! Of course it's good to measure up but apart form all that comparison and measurement, the most important standard to measure up to is God's. I'm so glad he doesn't say stuff along the lines like you're too *inserts whatever criteria here* for my grace, cus GRACE IS GRACE! His standard is the most perfect and everlasting and I can take heart in that.

csgmvcjihxdisjkam gibberish intended.

2009-10-16T16:37:00.004+08:00

As much as my common sense nags at me as the papers I receive get increasingly obscene, some little voice keeps reminding me: salt and light. Yes, salt and light, I KNOW. I am angry at myself for my emotions that I can't keep in check for I don't know what reason. People assume I'm emo. I feel like such a loser. Not cus I have bad results or anything, its cus they think I'm the type of people who emo over results. I'm not being good salt and light. I'm just being normal when I KNOW that I don't have to conform to all these stupid 'rules'. Bleh. Above all, I don't need anyone to keep reminding me that I don't have to tag my worth on these papers within a week, but I JUST CAN'T HELP IT.

The worse feeling is teachers leaving you hanging in mid-air. I'm sure they have very valid reasons. I can't blame them either, just that the feeling of knowing and not knowing sucks. TO THE MAX.

TGIF. I need a break. A break to refresh before more disspointments. OR RATHER MIRACLES. (: I'm leaving it all in God's hands. I shall stop trying to figure out my GPA when I don't even know where to start. I shall stop moaning over the papers that I don't think I did that well, because while I still don't see it, I shall exercise faith. I still want to believe in God's miracles cus they are real. They exist. I still believe God doesn't giving misleading sense of confidence during the exams and then dumb me to face up to sucky results. Yes. That's it. YI JIA HOLD ONNNNNNNNN.

BREATHE. I have enough oxygen. Anyway air and enviroment is a hated topic. Got whacked upside down for both bio and chem essays rawr! I don't care about global warming anymore man. Shopping centres on their air-con everyday and they are HUGE. SO it doesn't make a difference if we use it privately or anything. Only IKEA charges for plastic bags, what about other companies? People keep giving out flyers as if this promotional startergy EVER works, you see them in the nearest dustbin as soon as it is given out. -.-

summary

2009-10-13T12:37:00.004+08:00

Yesterday marks the official EOEOYs, and finally it's time to let lose go crazy and get high! After CID, went out with clique except YT. Aiyoo why you never come?

We got lost on the way. We couldn't find Marina Square, couldn't locate the kbox. But luckily when we reach there they have yet to open. We were their first customers LOL. We had lots of fun at kbox singing, especially the high songs. And we exceeded by half and hour opps. Apparently you can stay there as long as they don't chase you away.

That was a bad summary for a good day. But people I really enjoy all of your company! (: Hmm where shall we go next?

Today is booooring. I watched this nice show with a bad ending. But if you think about it the plot is indeed unsustainable. ZZZZ.

To add on. I'm adding this part with my reformatted computer. It's going at an amazing speed and no more hangs gosh. Thank my dad for making two trips to repair this pinky haha.

laugh it off!

2009-10-11T20:49:00.008+08:00

I remember this cyber-scar from two years ago. When I just started blogging and stupidly offended everyone resulting in me counting the days of goodbye from the good ole class.

Friends, cheer up. You guys still rock, and if cyber-space can't satisfy the ranting needs, what are friends for? We can be hurt but it's okay. We all had a taste of it before. We all know how it feels like so we can share with each other. Just heal fast and move on! Don't be like me last time, emo for so long after the whole cyber-warfare! We can't control what people do to us but we can control our reaction to it yea. Now that exams is over that is enough reason to party and celebrate already. Don't let any other thing spoil the mood. We have a thousand one things we want to do: movie kbox prawning bowling shopping eat alottttt of nice food and grow fat together LOL. So brush these things aside cus we don't want these things to take centre-stage of our life. Random comments fly by every now and then. Just treat them as ballons with a monster face, they might fly past you but won't cling onto you. Thye are pretty harmless, actually. Wave goodbye, monster helium ballons belongs not in our happy atmosphere. Friends are oxygen so we'll not breathe air that won't help our body!

Yipeeee! S-M-I-L-E! (:

Okay enough of all the big bombastic theories. I'm not even sure if I make sense. LOL. Hope all of you cheer up and not be too affected. (:

eoeoys?

2009-10-10T20:25:00.002+08:00

Friday was shepherding with Shi Xin! Haha. I really thank God for being with us the whole exams allowing us to walk out of the exam hall victoriously everytime. Cus we know 100% man 100% God. Whoo, the crazy kind of joy shouting for thanks in the middle of the road and slapping high-5s is THE BEST. No regrets for the whole EOY I believe I did my best and God really rewards our hard work Amen?

Still, there's CID. GOGOGO!

buhbye bio (and geog)

2009-10-08T17:37:00.004+08:00

Thinking that I don't have to take bio again again after tomorrow makes me happy! Not that I don't have a good teacher or I don't have interest in the subject, in fact I love bio alot. Actually geog too. It is quite a stuggle giving up somethings you like and have been learning for so long. I proud to explain phenomenons using the knowledge I have learnt after hardcore memorising be it in real life or exams, whoo!

Just that all of our brains evolve (too positve a word?) and sometimes growing older only proves memorising ability degeneration, especially from what I have gathered of the crazy cramming of information for these to content-heavy subjects. Bye bye to memorising crazily. I hope 10 years down the road I am still able to remember majority of these info I've learnt. Boy come think of it I thought so well of my brain 2 years ago. I thought, as long as I work hard and memorise like crazy I can score well! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz, yea right. I'm happy cus my brain who has worked so hard for the past two years can take a rest. (:

I don't understand cell division, yet. So I better go watch all the youtube videos and figure out the phases. Yea.

God saved the day!

2009-10-05T18:03:00.005+08:00

Exam is this big fat green slimy monster in my face, waiting to eat me up. I SCREAMED AND GASPED FOR AIR. God to the rescue!

The above is figuratively true. Yes as everyone might have felt Chem today was a killer. I struggled to write the last sentence I could. Full-STOP. "Pens down." Phew. I left a 4 mark blank but it is not like I could do it given another hour. I am glad for all the exam blessings this week. I didn't bring dictionary today for zuowen! Goodness. I left a word blank, so well, it is not as if I would have the time to check. Maybe I did, but who cares. The teacher can't fail me cus of one word, so whatever.

I can't wait for EOEOYs! 4 more days to go, excluding CID. I'll do a thousand and one crazy things after EOY, really.

trees!

2009-10-01T19:54:00.004+08:00

Wow blogger is back to normal, what a surprise!

Today was awesome not cus I spammed maths for 5 hours and didn't even managed to reach the standard of productive, but you know what, my brain juices can fill up Nile river already, so I don't intend to fill up the Atlantic. Today is awesome because I heard God's voice giving me perfect answers to my situations illustarted by trees. Yes, trees. I think tree is like the wisest object around or something. I love the Divine Daddy who gives me the best comfort in toughest situations and joy in adversities. I've done my best, really. God do the rest. Haha. So happy. (:

The tougher the situation, the weaker I am, the more I see His glory and deliverance. The papers today were okay... I'm leaving everything up to God, really.

self-study

2009-09-27T21:40:00.004+08:00

Desperately need to find the movie pushing hands which I can't possibly locate. I'm so dead. I typed that yesterday. Now I found it, out of nowhere on a random website. Thank God! (:

Self-study plans. I pray hard that I'll be disciplined enough and not turn self-study into self-pity.

Self-study day1
-watch 2 movies for cs
-do research for cs
-do chem revision
-do some maths
-plan essays

self-study day2
-do maths until i go crazy
-touch-up study for geog

self-study day3
-re-revise bicul
-re-revise essay
-finish bio
-do maths like crazy again

Stick to it and don't digress!

plaster of Paris

2009-09-10T10:06:00.000+08:00

I think I need CASTING. Anyone has calcium sulfate for my finger? Okay, the previous sentence sounds grammatically incorrect. Rawr but who cares. The doc said it would heal in a week okay, it is wayyyyy past healing time. Say hi to a mummified mantou finger. WHOO. Apparently, the cast is called something like plaster of Paris. When I first saw it in some chemistry thing back in year 2 I thought is sounded amusing.

I barely broke my feet, arm or sprained my ankle in my life, never knew that I would actually get to use this plaster of Paris thing. GOSH.

tofu

2009-09-08T22:23:00.001+08:00

After various experimentation I realised white blogskin looks better, anyhow.

Joke of the day:

The soup supposed to contain seeweed has only (all) types of tofu.

Sis: 难道这是传说中的 -gasps- 豆腐汤?!

LOL

more I-s

2009-09-02T21:51:00.000+08:00

I am tired.
I want to sleep.
I have a sense of recurring nightmare.
I am such a hopeless slacker that I have zero motivation to study.
I realise how much I miss no.13 after such a long time.
I hate stares.
I don't like my mummified hand/man tou shou.
I don't know why I even broke my finger and I can't even explain properly.
I found this long-lost ZR CD which I never listened before.
I am glad I can still play ZR, yay!
I feel bloated.
I feel like puking.
I never blogged like this before.
I find this super egoistic.
I can't help it, nonetheless.
I can't find my zuowen paper.
I can't hand up zuowen tmr, that is so GG.

感慨

2009-09-01T18:43:00.002+08:00

我都用华文在写这篇东西了，可见得我有多感慨。

妹妹刚告诉我她很感慨，我的第一跟反应就是：神经病！问问原因才发现，原来他是觉得身边的朋友都变了好多，是回小学时发现的。他们谈的都是要和谁打架，开口闭口就脏话，再互相比比换了几个stead！天啊！我听了才发现原来我们这些乖小孩活在多天真无邪的世界里！我们顶多担心测验分数，但我看对于这些人来讲这应该不是他们生活的重点吧。

就当我们想怎么以语言攻击一个兜圈子以为小孩子好片的的士司机，（对，这就是我。咳，算了吧。或许他真的不知道。）他们就在想怎么以暴力解决他们生活中的问题。是时候离开自己的小筐筐看看真实的世界了。世界，原来就是这样。前些阵子才刚刚写了世界的影评，现在切身体会了。-.-

Precisely why I replied,
"we got a world to change, they gotta hear His name."

Sigh. I'm confused myself, this is too much for any mugger who thinks gang fights are exaggerated stuff on newspapers by reporters who need to make a living, badly. So they are REAL. Well as much as this is, the song REAL is REAL. God is REAL. I gotta get cracking.

the CAKE.

2009-08-28T23:10:00.001+08:00

HAPPY SWEET 16TH BIRTHDAY MEI BAO!

Whoo, so much for no cakes. Jia Yi made this uber tempting cheesecake for M's birthday. YT was complaining why wasn't it chocolate, LOL. Hello, two people (and YQ) on a diet and cheesecake for recess?! But we saved money, haha.

We just keep on talking about what we want to do after EOYs, this is CRAZY. I want exams to be over so we can bake cakes sing kbox go ice-skating go bowling go prawning go movies go eat island creamery flyyyyy to China for a fun trip eating oil-oozing eggs and shop for summer clothings! (ZZZ.)

Teacher's Day rehersal! HAHA. SUPER FUNNY. Just wait and see. Teachers will have a good laugh! (: I can't write in proper sentences. Tired. Bye.

There's this torture-sounding cat meowing next door. Meowed twice already. Disturbing. Calling SPCA, if this continues.

sc investiture

2009-08-26T20:37:00.000+08:00

Haven't been sleeping well. Monday was MPS, yesterday and today's investiture (and rehersal) drained all my energy. But it was ALL worth it! I thought it was so THE FLAME was so impressive, even the audience were waving light sticks! Welfare woo! Our video and dance sent everyone laughing away, probably the next best things to laugh after Jack talking to himself. Our performance is also for the welfare of everyone, for everyone to have a good laugh! :D

I shocked many today to think that I am fatter than I actually am. HAHA, people surprise surprise! No more chocolates,cakes or ice-cream for 3 months. NO MORE NO MORE. People please stop me if I want to eat anything of that sort.

movie time(:

2009-08-23T16:04:00.002+08:00

Since Friday, I've been watching probably one of the most important movies of my life, one that actually determines my grade. The World. I was lost on Thursday because I missed last week's lesson and had NO idea what the whole show was about. Now that I do, must say it is acceptable one to watch, but not particularly nice. It is quite disturbing, actually. Mind-boggling too. My dad was surprised that we actually teach and learn in this manner, he thought I was using the computer to watch shows for entertainment again,though I wasn't. Still got lectured. He hates literature, movies and I suspect everything got to do with The Arts. "What do you learn from this? All shows are the same..." -.-Seriously, what is his problem.

Anyway life has to go on, I have to write the review now.

Another movie I watched on AXN on Friday night: The Legend of Zorro. Gosh this show is nice. I like how it combines nationalism, statehood, freedom, (basically politics) with family, love and some detectively-CSI kinda element all into one show. It is one action-packed fantasy-like show. It is funny too, had quite a good laugh watching it, no tears involved. I don't like watching teary stuff, entertainment is supposed to make you HAPPY, LIKE HELLO. Strongly recommended to those who love three-in-one coffee or shampoo and bath. Those who, like me, love a mixture of everything here and there.

OH and just found out that this is actually a sequel to The Mask of Zorro. Okay, I am going to watch this soon.

so, hi there fever, again.

2009-08-14T12:04:00.000+08:00

Life is a joke sometimes. I tried so hard finish CID and in the end, I had fever, so forget about presentation. And I am only blogging now because I feel slightly better. Absense from school means a pile of homework awaits. I have been ignoring practically everything because of CID and now, I feel the aftermath.

AHHHHHHHH!

Just can't believe it, fever again, in less than a month?! Yi Jia you're so brlliantly sickly.

note to self

2009-08-10T10:22:00.000+08:00

Okay, time to set a goal. I must finish lunwen today. By hook or by crook. RAWR.

This is a struggle against time and brain juices. WOW.

outing with sec2 competition gang

2009-08-09T09:26:00.002+08:00

Blogger has been seriously weird these days.

Anyway, yesterday night went out dinner with Chen Lao Shi and sec2 competition gang. Namely Yi Jin, Manfred, Lok Hang, Xiaoxu and Me. It was quite funny, we got to eat cheap but good (Korean) food and catch up. It's been a really loooooooong time since we talked and crapped. We're crazy people so yea there were lots of jokes, just plainly from talking. :D

*Chen lao shi and Lok Hang snatching to foot the bill
*waiter grabs Lok Hang's money
Chenlaoshi: 你一定是看起来比我老所以他才拿你的钱！
Manfred: 哎呀，不要自欺欺人啦。
Chenlaoshi: 卢培恩，你说什么？

Hence, the 'revenge' began. We walked down NTUC and (we we talking about cannibalism) and Chen lao shi threatened to chop Manfred up.
Chenlaoshi:相不相信我现在就进去买一把刀！
Me: 老师，用linkpoints换还是free的！

Poor Manfred had Chen lao shi checking his phone and got scammed into thinking we called *ahem* AHAHA, super funny. Manfred went home and the rest of us went to 吹风 at Clake Quay.

It was a long walk. We ate at Tanjong Pagar, then walked to Chinatown for dessert, (green tea and red bean snow ice YUMMY!) walked to CQ for the breeze, and the walked to dhoby to take bus. I didn't realise Singapore is actually very small. It is a waste of money to take MRT leh.

Chen lao shi was saying she lives on a mountain, (there aren't btw) and she can see fireworks. So we were guessing which mountain she lives on.
XX: 花果山啦！
Chenlaoshi：对我住在一个洞里！
Me：对，叫水帘洞嘛！
Chenlaoshi：大家对我家都很了解嘛！
XX：你看前面那个人！
*Person with ‘悟’on his shirt
XX: 他是你的邻居吗？
Chenlaoshi: 对啦，他是我的fanclub的。

LOL！

It was really fun and funny. Have a nice trip to Korean Chen lao shi! *waves*

just being reflective.

2009-08-07T19:37:00.000+08:00

Identity crisis induced by streotype. Maybe that's because I'm trying too hard on my own. FYI that is model answer for gossip, that I try too hard. I can't believe I actually remember this, it is so unhealthy. Whoever that said it I don't hold it against you already. Sometimes the harshest critique makes one reflect more. Especially when it comes from unexpected sources. *Faints*

HAHA reminds me of Aeres, the funny girl!

YI JIA DO THIS WITH GOD. YOU CANNOT SURVIVE THESE ON YOUR OWN.

NO. I AM NOT SAD OR DEPRESSED OR ANYTHING. JUST EXTREMELY REFLECTIVE.

i thank God in moments like this

2009-08-06T20:29:00.000+08:00

God knows, everything. In everything there is purpose. At times, He wants us to give up what we hold dearly for a greater cause. And if you think about it, that thing might not be that 'dear' after all. Sometimes in my earthly pursuits, I neglect what it really important. I go for what people look at rather than what God looks at.

Sometimes I just need reminders like this. When there are moments that I am left with nothing but God, but that's everything I need.

Looking through a memory storage device, I realise that after I came to know the love of God, my phone camera took on a different perspective as well. I might not have some melo-dramatic life change, but God has changed my view in a very subtle way. A gentle nudge to review what I have taken, the pictures mainly depict my life with family, friends, church and the new beauty of things I did not use to notice. For example, bright red hibiscus among green bushes. I really thank God for the joy I am able to experience and how precious I am in His eyes, when there is no need to prove myself.

Real freedom: no need to conform, no need to prove.

life of a poet (LOL)

2009-08-04T17:11:00.001+08:00

Rings of black tarred track,
Black, rough thoughts, I remember,
Faded with footsteps.

Haiku which was written during LA lesson.

Inspiration comes from memories, I guess. Being a poet was my dream, well, it still is. Just that when you get older you start factoring in alot of stuff that you sort of dream less, you know. There was this point in time I irrationally wanted to be a poet and publish my works! Then it sort of faded and evolved I guess, to lyrics, which I guess is the more commercialised form of poems infused with pop element. Now, I'm not sure anymore. Sometimes you need a 伯乐 to appreciate your works to keep you going.

I remembered I was super enthusiastic when I got appriasal for writing my first poem in P1. I still remember it. Here goes.

I'll be your friend
As times passes by
You are a good friend to be with
And so am I

And don't laugh! Don't you think this is brilliant piece of work for a 7-year-old? I was convinced I was 'talented' in writing poems simply because I knew how to rhyme. It sounds stupid but it started me off writing. I started out learning Chinese in my young days but never English and hence some naggy kiddo instinct made me inferior to friends who could rattle on and on in English, when I couldn't. (The first day I attended kindergarten I knew nothing the teacher was talking about. When I was asked if I wanted to have some food, I replied in Hokkien "tam po", which means a little, and it sent the whole class into hysterical laughter.) However, thinking that I can rhyme made me think that I was better than kids from English-speaking families. Now I'm thankful for my P1 teacher aka the 伯乐， Ms Santhi for writing 'very nice!' in that fateful poetry exercise book. Praise to a kid does wonders that you never dream of I guess!

Being a poet rocks! (Please spot the irony here.) If you think about it you get paid for writing about your feelings, awesome money to earn yea?

Initially I just wanted to review this haiku, but as it turned out when you talk about your life, it is pretty easy to get carried away huh?

Anyway, back to the topic.

Rings of black tarred track,
Black, rough thoughts, I remember,
Faded with footsteps.

My friends thinks it's chim, and I wanted to laugh. That means I succeeded! It was meant to be chim and not understood. You can't sound very blatant within seventeen syllables anyway.

It is a track. Yes, but not the red one, the black one. Imagine running on harder ground than the usual red track. If you run like several rounds it would be many RINGS. I think it is interesting to think of thoughts as black and rough. Black because it is a thing of the past and if you playback you see it in black and white. Rough probably means undesireable, or actually I think a better word would be blunt, but blunt is a blatant word you know. If you notice, tarred ground is actually rough, so yea, rough it shall be. This next line needs some imagination, of Physics in action. When people run, you actually leave footsteps, maybe you can't see them. But with friction you remove the layer of previous footsteps that once existed, thus faded.

The criteria was that we think of a place that gives us extremely good OR bad memories, and then write a haiku to capture that feeling. Oh well, for me it was a good AND bad experience. It WAS good, but then it became bad. Or rather from another angle it WAS bad, but then it became good. I think I make perfect sense, but only to myself haha.

to a certain someone who is inflicted

2009-07-29T19:54:00.001+08:00

You know sometimes I chance by emo blogs of people, I feel very hurt by what they say. Not because they are talking about me, but it is disturbing to find people with a broken heart and can't find a cure.

This irritation of not being able to reach out to help when they are sinking is bugging me big time. Sigh, the problem is some of them really look tough on the outside. It is almost as if they are putting on a mask to conceal what is really inside. I seem like the weakling when talking to this giants of apparently, lofty ambitions. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

It sucks to just stand one side as a observer because you are not that close to a person or don't know how to be close to them. Like there is no link no connection except brief, polite exchanges? RAWR. All I can say is, to the certain someone who is inflicted although I don't know how and why, jiayouuuu and be strong!

"...For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones" Isaiah 49:13

On a happier note, we were writing our names in Jap and Korean during PDP and it is sure funny.

the haha-worthy!

2009-07-28T16:53:00.000+08:00

School has been really exciting these days with creative doodles on statistics notes by M and everyone speculating JY's novel's development. I think we make alot of noise during breaks. Whoops. Heehee. There is always the funny stuff that springs up from nowhere that send us into crazy heaps of laughter such as "自从我遇见你以后我就变成了疯子!" And after my analysis, the way you say this can make it sound very different, just try. When read in a monotonous way, however, is somehow a confession from YT to JY.

The way we '打情骂俏' and engage in intellectual discussions apparently creates alot of noise. HAHA. I like the times in between lessons best, they're madness. The funniest stuff comes out when we gather and talk crap. You guys cheer up a boring day! (:

i finally can blog

2009-07-26T19:18:00.002+08:00

The past few days has been eventful. I stoned in front of the computer for Thursday and Friday. Yesterday was the the day of prison break. Wahahaha.

Wow ESS was a blast too bad SP made other arragements thanks to my swine. Unit FF looked quite fun but I had to go off for Hillsong at Expo. It is my first time getting ever so close to any band, and seriously when it comes to PnW, the band is secondary. God is the object of praise and worship.

Camwhoring with tyf is...unglam. But I like our retarded shots and I need to find the card reader before I can like upload anything so girl bear with it for awhile.

I can't wait for next Saturday! YAY!

Too much summary has made me speechless? I have nothing write about when so much has happened. GOSH. :O

so there is only title box and no text box, great. i can't even blog when i'm sick. stupid computer. anw it's so fashionable to be sick these days.

2009-07-23T12:26:00.005+08:00

!@#$%^&*

2009-07-17T23:00:00.003+08:00

Too many tangled feelings too little words. I have no platform at all. My problems are not exactly problems because I don't even know how to phrase it which is essentially the biggest problem. I hate being abstract, I'm just afraid that I say something I regret. I am forever sabotagged by situations and that is absolutely pissifying. There are so many people I am afraid to face, much less even talk more. In those brief exchanges, I feel weird, I bet you do too.

我自己打不开心结，战战兢兢紧张地握着拳头，又能怎样握手和解呢？也不是啦。

Rawr. How how how how how. My fault, as usual, like how I never fail to bang into a table everyday. I need to sleep. I'm showing signs of being irrational. Maybe? I can't figure the crap I'm sputtering. I need a functioning brain and less of sixth sense that bugs me too much.

blessings

2009-07-17T21:11:00.003+08:00

I've been dead for long.

I feel a little numb, that's all. Everyday I pass by so many souls and I wonder how many of them have a filled heart. Even really talented and smart people who are capable of passing on knowledge, but I wonder how much of that wisdom is really knowledge. God is still awesome above everything. I want to dare to ask.
------

Farewell, Roxanne. (: Take good care.

e-learningggggg

2009-07-10T07:36:00.004+08:00

Today is wonderfully e-learning day. Ho boy, and my mom is even more serious about it. I'm like really stuck cus I attended cg on wednesday? It's okay, I will guai guai finish my homework practise piano and pray hard that she let's me off to service tomorrow!

Yikes I rather go to school actually. The pile of things next to me seems impossibly thick.

*edit
My hair is falling off and I think I need treatment, no kidding. I want to smack myself so hard for screwing up things, I don't know how like so many people I know became people I knew, and this sucks. I don't know why things turn out like that. I don't know why I'm always at the wrong place at the wrong time and not at the right place at the right time, or everywhere I go there will be no 'right time', cus by my selfishness and whatever crap that I'm full of turn things upside down big time. I hate this. Sorry I turned into a freakkkkk. Sorry it wasn't like before. I feel like a selfish pig. Sorry I don't know what to say except for sorry. SORRY.

God says, LISTEN.

2009-07-02T19:46:00.002+08:00

God gives me surprises each day. He tasks me with stuff and I have learnt to LISTEN.
Apparently he thinks/knows tasks suit me well, so I guess a very important way I keeping touch with him is to do his work. YAY!

When I met with some confusing arguments yesterday, it got very mind boggling, but when I searched the perfect word of God, and recalled lots of the stuff I have heard over time, the answer was clear.

Sigh waiting for a certain someone to come online and I'm rusting away.

SURPRISE!

2009-06-30T19:21:00.002+08:00

I saw someone I haven't seen in 4 years today, Jie Ying! You can't imagine my surprise. We take the same bus, but have never met each other. COOOOOL.

Haha, I need to study Chemistry now, learnt my lesson from mid-years. NEVER EVER LOOK DOWN ON CHEMISTRY, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T CARE IT'LL JUST KILL YOU LIKE CONCENTRATED HYDROCHOLRIC ACID. 0.0

the chore

2009-06-29T20:54:00.004+08:00

I want nothing like confusion of this kind
Passion for the chore, yet with different working minds
A part of me, for the chore, wants to stay
Yet something else is pulling me away

I once found love and joy in the chore
That the chore was a chore no more
The charm of the chore that once existed
Has now ceased, with time it faded

If I want to pursue it again
It's the price of my soul and shame

wahaha

2009-06-29T19:01:00.003+08:00

One thing I really thank God for is for giving me enough discipline to finish all my homework. It feels so good to be without burden. For the first time in my life I actually FINISHED my holiday homework. Rejoice, whoo!

First day of school was not that bad. I managed to see people who I haven't seen in a month, such as Xuelun and Yuqing. The new seating arrangement allows me to tap on the brain power of Meibao, who has endless to spare for me wahahahaha, and all my good friends are all within do-not-need-to-wear-specs distance. Awesome!

The following is an advertisment:
CHEAPEST BLOGSHOP IN TOWN!
The co-owners are Xuelun and Jia Yi, and seriously people check it out, your eyeballs will pop-out at the prices.

this quiz starts of okay. but gets boring!

2009-06-28T09:16:00.005+08:00

I am bored. Left with maths hw. CALCULUS. I think it'll kill me before I even calculate. I have forgotten all the formulas. Great. So I decided to kope YQ's quiz, haha.

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4, and type it out:
"you say" That was my BIBLE haha!

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What did you manage to touch?
gluestick, without the glue-stick.

3. What was the last thing you watched on TV?
youtube/mysoju counted? i rarely watch TV. ying ye 3+1, super addictive la.

4.Without looking at a clock, guess the current time.
9.30?

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
9.20

6. With the exception of the computer what can you hear?
erm the juicer, i guess breakfast is on its wayyyyy. YUM.

7. When did you last step outside, and what were you doing?
yesterday. piah-ing maths with my cousin.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
blog-hopping, until i decided i was bored.

9. What are you wearing?
ifc tee and blue shorts

10. Did you dream last night?
i did, scietifically.

11. When did you last laugh?
umm smile? when i was debating with my mom over...refer to previous post. SMUG.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
nothing, except dried paint.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
ya, maybe, cus i think my eyesight worsened

14. What do you think of this quiz?
quite fun LOL haha.

15. What was the last film you saw?
ghost of GF past hahahahaha.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
eat: buy a huge supply of bnj, popiahs, nice food etc....
play: go to some countries
treat freinds and families
save
donate

17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
HUH?

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
make everyone know God (:

19. Do you like to dance?
not officially, but i like prancing around. haha.

20. Presuming that your first child is a girl, what name would you give her?
some options and thoughts crossed my mind before. maybe i'll give my bears chinese names soon.

21. Presuming that your first child is a boy, what name would you give him?
dunno la. cus i'm not a guy, hence i'm bias LOL

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
yes, the weather is sometimes unbearable here.
-pause-
1. Three names you go by?
yijia, jiajia( mom calls me that), erm other random stuff people name me LOL.

2. Three screen names you have?
-yj-(blogger, but not displayed, ha.) , yijia (tags, msn, this gets me almost everywhere), applescramble (twitter)

3. Three parts of your heritage?
i was told some ancestor was nyoya? all of my grandparents came from fujian. i am chinese. DUH.

4. Three things that scare you?
hell. scary people who approach you. growing fat.

5. Three of your everyday essentials?
air water and food. (i copy yq, cus its like kinda DUH)

6. Three things you're wearing now?
shirt, shorts, undergarments. this quiz is getting lame.

7. Three of your favourite songs?
i like all PnW, SHE songs, and many random others.

8. Two truths and a lie in no particular order?
i like cats, i like maths, i like using the computer
(i cant tell them apart too)

9. Three of your favourite hobbies?
listening to music, ruaning, scrapbooking

10. Three things you want to do really badly now?
be done with this quiz. go to service! eat.

11. Three careers you're (not) considering?
engineer, anything political, cleaner
(YQ i agree with you)

12. Three places you want to go on vacation to?
Egypt, Jerusalem, Whole of Europe?

13. Three things you want to do before you die?
tell all the people i love that i love them.
bring alot of people to God.
finish reading the whole bible.

14. Three things that make you stereotypically a boy?
i am un-glam.

15. Three things that make you stereotypically a girl?
that i look like and act like one.

16. Three people that you would like see take this quiz too?
haha, jean, shi ping and zhi xin. ZX needs to update her blog badly and unveil her secretivity.

新时代、新定义

2009-06-28T08:41:00.003+08:00

忽然有了灵感，想反驳一句老掉牙，妈妈老爱用来压我的话。

“君子之淡如水，小人之交甜如蜜”我不否定他原本的意思，但我说要用另一个不同的角度去看待这句话。

淡淡的交情，就是见面打一声招呼，勉强有礼貌的笑一笑，但除此之外应该不知道该做什么了吧？或者是，那些“我知道你的存在”、“你知道我的存在”，我们在Facebook上是朋友。这些所谓有淡淡的交情的人都是君子？彼此都不是很认识难道就能以批判性的眼光看他的人格吗？

甜蜜的交情，天天能感觉存在的朋友，却是小人？！太不合理了吧？！对不起好朋友们，根据这句话这么说你们好像都是小人。

所以，在这个新时代，这么老的一句话的新意思是完全不同的。真希望妈妈不要再用这一句话否定我的好朋友。

she is audrey.

2009-06-19T04:55:00.005+08:00

I have never met with this before! Worst case scenario that can happen to my sleep.

I can't sleep since 11pm, because I slept at 7pm exhausted after drugging myself with a whole day of Taiwan drama, since 2pm? Anna woke me up with her mega-watt smile while visiting. Sigh I miss Seletar and the grass, and the fresh air and nice neighbours like the Ohs. Sis and bro spent a whole day with them while I continued drugging myself with Taiwan drama. I think this is extremely unhealthy because I'm chucking God's love one side to flood myself with earthly things.

It is now 5. 05 in the morning, and i haven't catch a wink, but I'm strangely awake. I got an random SMS from a long-lost friend, I had lost her number. It was God's plans I suppose. She asked me out on Saturday, I was thinking since I can't go service, maybe I can go out with her as an excuse to bring her to church too. It turns out that she is a new believer at Tertiary, what a suprise! The last time I knew her she was still the vulgar-filled person LOL.

I was going to sleep when my mom suggested that I go and do something constructive, so I took her suggestion. Shoots when has my narrative sound so boring? I decided to sms that friend when I was done and after a few smses I found it too bothersome, using msn would be faster. So we started chatting when she told me a startling secret and told me not to scold her, that she was cutting herself. I stop and stared. So she needed help so that is why God kept me awake all along, to help her! I immediately prayed for help, it was shocking. She is older than me by the way. She shared why she was so depressed by the fact that this guy she liked was purposely ignoring her but yet denying it.

I told her to stop, right away. She was shocked that I knew. To me, it seemed natural. I can understand her pain too because I was once ignorant enough to entagle myself in a web of confusing emotions all set up by forces of the dark. I shared my story, which I suppose was worse compared to hers in length and in depth. At least I thought that could make her feel less alone, or that she would stop cutting, at least, while hearing what I have to say. (seeing rather, actually)

Then I realised something, rather the holy spirit promted me. Her feelings for that guy is obviously confusing, and there is a verse saying if you know the truth the truth will set you free, so she is obviously not free. I told her something quite hard to swallow, that it is part of Satan's plans to sabotage her as a new believer.

We eventually thought of holy spirit baptism as the best solution so she can protect herself. (: I'm glad she told me she regretted, and that she is feeling better now and that she will keep Ephesians 6:12 in mind! I'm so glad. I'm willing to loose all my sleep, she said if I don't talk to her she would just continue cutting.

I have been thinking of her more recently, of bringing her to church, and yet she asked me first. God had it all planned! God has wonderful plans to save her, I'm thankful that I'm a tool. God is awesome! (:

Okay I shall convince a certain someone to keep Taiwan dramas temptations away from me now, as a resolution.

just needed a reason to blog.

2009-06-17T17:16:00.005+08:00

Funny, I've got my dad stressing how old I have grown as if I needed a reminder, then I have people who recognise me after 6 years even with my thick red specs. Way to go. Bengs and lians who are super scary wanting my number and signature? I'm not like someone BIGGG anyway, I think they must think its like fun to see a noobie's response or something.

And my sis who is like possesed with some song just loaded it into her phone? Plus the show? AYYEE, I can't catch up with the rate she's using technology to her convenience I guess.

I'm going out with mom to get something. Better prepare.

Oh twitter is fun. And so is facebook, oh I finally to check the lives of those around me? The thing is... I think I need someone to rescue me outta CS report, seriously, I can't understand my lack of vocabulary cus I just keep using 除此之外.

I think tags are super LEY-CHEY. GRRRR.

cries for help.

2009-06-15T05:00:00.004+08:00

Forgetfulness can kill. I died.

Disobedience (I can't figure this out yet) can kill. I died.

Sorry God, my life is so messed up. I can't sleep the whole of the night. I have never felt so faint and if you want to say it this way- so emo. I can stand it if everyone misunderstands me, but I just need YOUR help.

Please fix my life.

Now that mom mentioned it, maybe it is the green tea. Nonetheless, I still feel helpless.

awaiting 1pm, before i choing hw.

2009-06-04T12:49:00.004+08:00

(start of) Holidays = crazy homeworking.

It better be that way, I always end up chionging stuff at the very end of the holidays. Today is the first day I'm actually staying home. Monday: AYG rehersal. Tuesday and Wednesday: CO. At least if I finish my homework I see more hope to going for CGs, PMs or maybe even camp!

I just realised how searchable my own blog is. I key in certain key words trying to find a certain someone's blog which I eventually did, but I ended up seeing multiple of my entries in those searches.-.- Blatant online identity? Gosh, I have no idea what that is supposed to mean.

I refer you to my title. Yes, I am waiting for the clock to strike 1pm before I am convinced that I have wasted enough of my time and wasted enough cyber-space (although it is unlimited) before I'm back to explaining earthquakes and doing summary. URGGH so flooded with homework and they just keep on adding! Keeping my fingers crossed (which is quite useless because you know what to expect), I just checked IVLE bombarding another 3 weeks worth of Chinese excercises. (!!!!)

I have an evolving style of blogging which I don't know how to put my finger on (maybe the brackets? see what I mean?) , except that I find it quite irritating even for myself. -.-

HOSANNA!

2009-06-01T15:40:00.005+08:00

"In your anger do not sin". Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
-Ephesians 4:26-27

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
-Ephesians 6:12

Blessed are those who are prosecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is in the kingdom of heaven.
-Matthew 5: 10

Hosanna

I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

Hosanna in the highest
----------------
Satan is not going to get his foothold on me. SHOO! I will rejoice and be glad.

wideeeeeee awakeeeeeeee

2009-05-28T02:38:00.002+08:00

TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired after cross country, I think I slept at 630pm? Here I am stoning because I am much too awake. It is now, as I type, 2.37am. -.-

Concluding yesterday's run was quite okay and I realise I run better on trails than on tracks, oh well. And Meibao is a good running partner! (:

CG was like super high we sat at macs talking (real loud) and when we kept quite the whole place was just -silence- then we burst into uncontrollable laughter. Hoho. We ran around the whole place going to every single playground that existed and met some really cute year1s at the flying fox. I didn't even know them and they pushed me on the flying fox! So random haha and as usual YIJIA THE HEIGHTS FREAK SCREAMED HER LUNGS OUT WHILE ON IT ALTHOUGH IT WASN'T VERY TALL AT ALL. But it was very fast okay! I so-called conquered my fear of heights by climbing onto the pyramid thing too, OMGosh so traumatising. I knew I wouldn't fall but normal people were bouncing the whole structure that made it all shaky and scary. Yuanfang introduced a drink called double chocalate frappe at McCafe, it is superrrrrrr nice!

Oh we crapped around and it was three plus when we saw NH people going to have MCG. I went shepherding and the rest went home. Yea, so I was super exhausted because as you can see I played like a kid. Ran, jumped, climbed and screamed with people younger than me. Okay I feel younger (slightly) when hanging out with CG peeps but I can't help but remember that I am sixteen. And PYL stressed the fact that the west coast playgrounds are for people 10-15. Technically I'm too old of the stuff there. HAHA but being young at heart is the key!

Shepherding was learning how to get a miracle haha! We started labelling bible without realising we did not have scisorss to cut the tape. ZZZ and I went home, sleeping like a pig all the way. OMGosh it feels good to sleep.
--------
All the big hoo-haa about GSS? I am strangely not excited. I realised my cheapo style of buying stuff is like not found in S'pore even with a great big sale. Thailand and China are like the best place to get stuff. Where can you find 10cents phone accessory? Where can you find tees with weird headings? At least you won't get the same stuff as the rest, in case like in such a big even such as cross country people mix up their bags.

I prefer to eat and sleep than shop, it is like, more essential to survival?

shout-out!

2009-05-25T19:54:00.003+08:00

YI JIA

DESPERATELY

WANTS TO GO

FOR LIFE6 AND CAMP.

HOLIDAYS ARE

BOOOOOOORING WITHOUT THESE.

BOOOOOOORING, PUN INTENDED.

fishbone -.-

2009-05-24T15:14:00.003+08:00

Thanks CG for making the forfeit queen's birthday a blast haha. Wah I have only won games once other than that I am FOREVER doing forfeit! Yea, refer to facebook for the crazy pizza session with MF peeps. I didn't know SP was so good on sneaking up on people.

Madness. Lunwen is driving me crazy and I am starting to doubt my aptitude (<- did I spell that correctly?) with my CS results. I DID study okay. Graawwh, fine, I have learnt to deal with my stupidity already. Face it. Just stop complaining and accept the fact. I'm just good at passing off as a scammer without others realising that my brains don't work that well as they appear to be. Sorry, they just don't. Maybe this proves that acting is a forte that works only on a superficial basis. I'm sorry I don't like to act as much as people associate me with it. It makes feel like that acrylic we used for DnT in year 1. Plastic.

Faints*

Oh I am going to go bury my head in books before I faint. I'm turning into a mugger for good quite soon, not shape-shifting back unless something called the EOYs is over.

birthday part 1

2009-05-18T22:27:00.002+08:00

Eventful yet simple birthday, one of the craziest ever yet.

Thank you people who wished me happy birthday [random order] :

-Xuelun

-Melody

-Yunfei

-Nicole

-Shi Ping

-Zhi Xin

-Yuqing

-Meibao

-Shi Xin shepherdy

-Queenie

-Jia Ying

-Mun Weng

-Lynn the evil twin

-Geri

-Qian Qi

-Bertina aka Xiaoxuan jiejie

-Sis

-Bernice (quite indirectly haha)

-Lydia

-Mummy

-Papa

-YY POH (lol)

And thanks for the wonderful presents. Xuelun buys me the best and I bet most expensive present every year so sweet and thoughtful! Awesome pizza and crapping with MF besties.

Thanks Nic for organising this whole wonderful thing.

Shi Ping for waiting so long.

Zhi Xin for willingly take a picture. Lazy shall post those tomorrow and in detail of everything that made up the longest birthday song ever.

16 on the 18

2009-05-17T18:28:00.002+08:00

Standing before the 16th dot of my life and looking back in retrospection makes me feel...weird. This is a weird thing to say but I suddenly feel a sense of appreciation of my existence on this earth as I am like a year nearer to the grave or something. No, I'm not morbid.

Talking about exams with your birthday is the probably the worst combination, ever, but you cannot help it if you are a May baby. Sigh. I want to believe that my results are like they were before, but no, maths and chem papers hit me hard in the head, and say goodbye to promotion, probably. I am putting all my hopes in the papers that I have yet to recieve, and pray that God make a miracle in those. You never know.

The more I know myself and understand myself, the more I realise how weak I actually am and that there are a thousand one things beyond my ability, but relying on God is always the best bet. I believe that He won't short change me. And I'm placing all my hopes that I can go for him, although I don't know how. This is probably what it means by having faith before understanding. Like how God always has his ways of reminding me through random magazine cutouts, protecting me by making PYL wear shorts. His blessing is always JUST ENOUGH to sustain us. I'm counting that I will have JUST ENOUGH GPA to scrape through.

I'm turning 16 tomorrow, and this particular birthday feels exceptionally ordinary. What a paradox.

superpoke zzz

2009-05-11T18:06:00.003+08:00

It is kind of sad how some people who you thought were good friends at one point in time and you felt: gosh, this person is so nice, I think we can keep in touch and be friends for life or something. Then a few years down the road all you can do is steal occasional peaks at their lives through the virtual world, realising how distant you have actually grown.

And it is even weirder how people whom you cannot say more than 'hi' face to face actually tag you with all kinds of strange things on facebook. -.- Vitual world is killing human interaction.

I sound like I'm writing a Socialogy thesis or something. By the way I want to take that in university okay! Although I have no idea what jobs that would lead me to, but sometimes why not do things for the sake of doing things, since it is what you like? (: It apparently requires good A-level results and specifically an A in GP. OMG do you know how I hear the year 5s are doing so badly in that subject? I'm not gifted in expository essays or anything. Look at how my LA grades fall like crazy with no more comprehension! GRR.

Random thoughts after some random blog hops. Calculus is killing me. God, I don't want to fail maths. My sis has been kissing the computer with her eyes since I don't know when, watching a show after another. Well, I'm not much better it is just that I finished the series I was watching on Saturday, and now, I'm out on a show hunt again. Any suggestions?

I better go and do more revision. Must 对得起自己！

behold.

2009-05-09T05:20:00.003+08:00

Exams really flew by and now it is almost over. I'm glad.

RVCO senoir high did a great job! Haha. Really it is quite confusing a competition like this can boost morale, help bonding and showcase the orchestra's potential. Although some say competition is like unhealthy for music or something. Actually it depends what light you put it in. Win graciously, because your music was the best there and then, and no one loses. This is not a competition with the others but a competition with ourselves, how much we can achieve. Haha. I feel like a psychologist saying this lol.

Two years more, we will be back!

送大家一句话：“音乐这条路，很辛苦、很寂寞，但是想一想，其实我们不贫穷！”

reflection of music

2009-04-25T11:01:00.008+08:00

Since Monday, I have been in a rather deep, reflective mode. The ultimate question I am asking: what does it mean to be sucessful in music? After much searching and reflection I suppose I have found the answer. We all agree that we want to aim to touch the audience and not only the five people giving us the award. I'm very grateful for the audience who appreciated our music, thank you for providing us with this goal in mind that makes RVCO different from the rest. We are special, in a way we want to aim for music and not award, right?

In any case, I am still glad. For most of other schools be it they are happy with the results or not, they would have to graduate by the time it is the next SYF, except if they are in lower secondary which is probably the minority I guess? But at least we all still have 2011 to chase our dreams once again. It is two years time for us to grow and mature in music, before we peform our hearts out again,together as RVCO. With a future, there is hope for us. Aren't you glad that we will not leave things as it is and we will improve and grow? I am really thankful, that we will all (well, almost except yr2s) perform together again! My goal for RVCO in 2011 would be to touch 100 people and not impress 5 people. People out there might think this is a loser goal, that we're afraid to lose. But who is 5 to judge you? We have higher goals and higher aspirations! For our music, for RVCO, for 2011, let's jiayou! And by then, victoriously we will say,

大家辛苦了！

we don't play music of regret.

2009-04-21T19:36:00.004+08:00

No one stays on top forever. There is always the next time, and we will be back! I still love rvco! No one cried today, we all knew that we did our best but things were in the winds of fate. There were audience touched and music is not meant for the judges only. Thank you rvco, especially zdrlqgz for everything and all the wonderful moments. It was best going through syf09 with you guys. I have no regrets, we laughed cried and bonded and I love the co spirit. I love our music. (:

Hear this.
Mr Wong: 我要回立化。
Friend: 为什么？
Mr Wong: 庆功宴。
Friend: *stunts* Steady! *gives Mr Wong thumbs-up*

Yay! I'm not sad anymore.
I love our conductors, teachers and the whole co. Yay!

心弦

2009-04-20T20:49:00.002+08:00

Stones. Reality smacks like an asteriod and it crushes you. No, we did not get the award. I don't understand why. The judges gave it to some noise creator instead. What can we do? Cry? I did that already. Whatever. Nothing can change the facts. Fact is we played well, the judges prefer noise instead of music.

There is nothing I can do now. I am so exhausted crying that I doubt I even have any tears left. I am so tired now. It sucks to get thrown into this abyss. It sucks when you pin all your hopes on that one thing and yet it fails you. I don't feel like answering any msn messangers now. It is funny how you can say "whatever the result, we will still blahblahblah". And yet when we knew the result it was just silence. No one knows what to say. Then tears and more tears.

I feel so indebted towards all the teachers instructors conductors. They are probably more dissapointed than us and yet have to find ways to cheer us up. Sorry. I'm sorry. realised why we play this song after some alumni gave a tear-inspiring speech today.

当你找到这首歌的感动时，真的会感觉到华乐精神。很多代就通过共同的一首歌，能听出不同年代奋斗的故事，不同的回忆。这些不一定是甜的，可是这种代代相传的苦是一种我们刻骨铭心的使命，一份对立化华乐的爱。这首歌的精神意义或许远远超过我们所的得奖，也是Mr Lum一直用这首歌的原因吧? 或许吧。当不届的人奏出不同的感动，但又是共同的感动，一定很振奋人心。或许没沉醉其中的人，都不懂吧。

it's time, hear our music!

2009-04-19T08:15:00.004+08:00

Whoopee. I'm quite excited for tomorrow.

Actually I'm having mixed feelings. On one hand I would love SYF to be over because then I can start mugging for MYEs. Then again, I don't want it to be over because I love everything that is here. I love the CO, my wonderful section (yay! :D) , our music's feel that only surfaced ever so evidently for this big event. And then poof, everything's going to be over? OMG.

I can't wait to go up to stage and showcase all the hard work we have put in. I can't remember how I felt two years ago on the day before, maybe because it was a Tuesday and we were still practising and the whole CO together. Spending the pre-day alone is a different feeling, I guess.

I remember 2 years ago, we came to school at 6am (and the taxi fare was 23 dollars! zzz.) and someone said, ‘我不紧张’. True, we were not. We won't be tomorrow.

Eeeeeeee, I hate this. People type such inspiring SYF posts and mine is like @#$%!@#$%^&* GRR. I have so much to say and yet I am at a loss of words.

Okay, I also remember, before we went in, we were thinking, this is it! This is the moment. And I smiled, entering and ascending our stage. The music started, the stage lights were blinding, which was a good thing because it prevented me from looking at the audience. Everything was like a dream, I felt like I was hypnotised. I looked at only Mr Wong because he was only sense of direction for the whole orchestra.

Everything was a mirage. I tell you, if there was not an award to prove our music, I might have even thought everything was a dream. The bliss on stage is indeed too good to be true. It was the most dream-like reality I have ever experienced.

RVCO we're all ready and let's go! WHEE!

ice-cream out to hammer

2009-04-10T12:16:00.002+08:00

I don't know what got me here. Maybe boredem.

I saw how was it like to regret, which is scary.
"Regret is realisation/insight which comes a day too late."

I don't want that to happen. Now I stare into the mirror, hard, evaluating every fibre of mine that moves. Curse refraction errors if they give me wrong impressions. I don't need to be logical now I need to throw away all logic and do this by faith. I can't just crumble although that will make me tasty like an apple crumble pie, but no, the ice-cream on top falls too and melts to a pathetic mixture flooding the whole plate. No washing would remove the fact that the ice-cream did fall. And it would be my fault. Eat everything up before anything melts, see only the good side of ice-cream, le it's ugliness not be exposed. Island creamery-ed yesterday with Tan Wei and Ruo Ling followed by eating prata/thosai. As maybe you can tell ice-cream and apple pie seem like good inspiration. -.-

Pardon me for being vauge, typing gibberish only I understand. This pressure is weird, it is not choking me but yet I find it hard to breathe, literally. I am not creating a sophisticated post to sound cheem or anything like that. It is just that I don't want to cause others chagrin while spamming what's bottled-up within myself. So many things to day, yet, spelling it out is hard. I can't say the same for ice-creams. They're cute, they just happen to have to be the tool I use for now in typing this post and calming my nerves?

Waking up today realising I was not disabled, make me look foward to the afternoon even less. I want to be deprived of normal things sometimes so I do not follow the expected path and sin. GRRRRRR. I don't want to hate falsehood and yet practise it.

no more time to be wasted on computer.

2009-03-29T15:50:00.002+08:00

I would love to believe that my diminishing enthusiasm to blog is due to time spent with God. But once I turn something called the computer on, I start wasting time. Computer is poision, I have wasted much unproductive time here, except to find out that there are people who don't understand Nervous System just as well. Grr. <- This is my new fave thing to type now btw. I'm evolving into a monster GRRAWRRRHHH! Crap I'm super random now. I shall not make empty promises anymore, cus that sucks.
---
I won a BnJ 10 dollars voucher yesterday for project OMG! "Who wants to eat cheap ice-cream once you've eaten BnJ?" (in particular strawberry cheesecake flavour agree?) So I have the best things now! I like my life now despite not knowing how to do sets and study bio cus after this I'l get it straight with the help from God.

spamming a week's worth

2009-03-20T21:03:00.006+08:00

I'm starting to feel the mood of holiday, when it is almost over. I have done all the MUST-DO homework which excludes the maths revision worksheet. My brain is so fried now I can't bear to even look at it. Holidays and I still go back to school all the same everyday at around 8am, what is the difference? Happy holidays is apparently oxymoron, and I did not come up with this, I heard it from someone.

Interesting how I have very wise yet cheesey friend who quoted Socrates in a very apt way. Never mind how, it just got me laughing.

My days have been fruitful ones. Metamorphosis rocks to the core! Although I only went at night. So sad I am going to miss out on service tomorrow and part of CG on Wednesday. GRR. My schedule is packed like siao, and I am squeezing out time like the remains of toothpaste barely left of a tube of Colgate, be it for extra sectionals or for CG related stuff. But it is quite a good thing I am not putting my time to waste. (What a statement to make, when I'm blogging! -.-)

----
Loving your enemy, forgive and forget.
Isn't that great? It does less harm others and myself.

inward rainbow:D

2009-03-15T06:58:00.005+08:00

Happy Double Birthday Xuelun! (:

Yesterday was amazing! Whoo, 14 March 2009 was one of the best days ever. It was YOUR CURTAIN CALL, and I invited Xuelun to go Nexus for service with me, it happened to also be her birthday. Therefore, when she accepted Christ into her life it was her spiritual birthday as well. I'm glad for all the wonders God does for me and for my friends and families too.

The Sermon was very relevant. I mean, now we are very caught up with achievements and competitions that make up the world, our stage. But after the encore, are you still 'me'? We have so many roles to perform in life and expectations, we unknowingly become slaves of what we do. It appears that we are born to mug, or something, and to do it well. But I have learnt not to tag my worth on what I do, but who I am and what I will become.

Who am I? Child of God. So this gives freedom to what I want to do. What will I become? Too early to tell but God will guide me. It is this affirmation deep within that makes me so much more secure. To be optimistic and purposeful is not what I can do very well on my own.

As pointed out, we are no different from others from the outside. We still do our routines the same way. But perhaps there is a new level of joy when you see a flower, a new level of purpose to step into class, a new level of peace when you do the exams. Inwardly, it is a world of difference.

Life is chaotic on the outside, but I'm not worried. Why bother about a rainbow on the outside when you already have one in your heart? I'm thankful I started today with blogging, it serves as a reminder for the rest of the day at least. :D

画心

2009-03-11T17:56:00.002+08:00

看不穿是你失落的魂魄
猜不透是你瞳孔的颜色
一阵风一场梦
爱如（是）生命般（的）莫测
你的心到底被什么蛊惑

你的轮廓在黑夜之中淹没
看桃花开出怎样的结果
看着你抱着我
目光似（比）月色寂寞
就让你在别人怀里快乐

爱着你像心跳难触摸
画着你画不出你的骨骼
记着你的脸色是我等你的执着
你是我一首唱不完的歌
（我的心只愿为你而割舍）

This song rocks, the cello rips you apart like the ghost in the show.

croooooaaaaaak

2009-03-09T21:02:00.004+08:00

I am too tired making sense out of essays, I probably lack something called common sense, I sense readers nodding in agreement to this sentence. Haha.

The truth is my throat hurts like crazy now, never before in my 16 years of life has my throat has ever been this bad. I cannot even sing baa baa black sheep. I sound like a perfect imitation of a duck quacking everytime I open my mouth. I was not even scared if any teacher ask me to present anything. I bet they could gasp with how croaky I sound, and then pitifully tell me to sit again, or something.

Friday I spent 10am-1pm in the sickbay sleeping thanks to the fever which made me super sick. I hate being sick. I still went for CCA though, I felt compelled to.

Saturday was GM, in a really reflective mode. I liked how we discussed stuff, in general. Oh I do hope people absent were there too :(

Then was service, as usual was awesome. I had been praying on Friday that I can singggggggg during service. I did not reach in time for praise and worship though but I was glad I could still do so during respose. Prayers answered. However, my voice died on Sunday.

Saturday, I had an urge to vomit from 6pm all the way till 0000am I think. It turned out to be a bubble of air trapped in my windpipe which caused all the misery-no food involved. I learnt the lesson of conformity through this. Next time I should eat what I think I should eat and not live up to 'expectations' and eat what others expect me to eat and end up being horribly uncomfortable. Well, I was praying throughout the whole concert. The music was great but not enough to cure, so I suffered and triumphed with the melodies throughout then night while praying furiously I don't vomit on my section mates. it was quite funny how we cheered when the performers and the smoke appeared haha. I think throughout the whole night I was asked a billion times "are you okay?"

Sunday-voice died.

Today-voice still dead. Prayermeet prayed for legs, throat, stress, ESS, syf...
I mentioned that I was turning into a ball of tang yuan given the cold classroom. I am in fact quite immue to the cold from the polar climate training last year, but when people fall sick it is a different thing all together. Tried rehersing for emcee script for bicul seminar but my voice, like expected, came out like some convoluted, croaky dunno-what.

I highly suspect that I contracted this illness from the SCHOOL WATER COOLER. PEOPLE PLEASE BEWARE. I drink from my water bottle everyday and nothing happened to me, but the day after I drank from the water cooler, TADA. People who have the habit of drinking from water cooler are sick as well, I HAVE PROVE. Please people next time you are sick buy mineral water and don't spread your disease to the whole school. No wonder there is this sick bug spreading everywhere.

Hope ESS will be a sucess! (:

P.S. Maybe I'm just sick cus' God wants my prayer life to improve.

rvco=gwh

2009-03-03T21:30:00.005+08:00

Friday's CO hit my morale to the bottom of the valley. It stung really, really badly to know the source of guidiance give up on us. Today's CO bounced it back again. Thank you everything Mr Wong for everything you have done for us. Thank you for your inspiring speech today, for you we will practice very very very very hard. Thank you Mr Lum also, of course. People. This is our SYF, this legacy is ours to create.

I'm horrible myself these days, I have not been practising alot. I feel slack. I feel that I did not do enough, I feel that I have been drifting away. I'm sorry people. Let's all work hard together, from now on. If we give it our all, we can do it. Let's jiayou! No one decides anything except us and the music we play. It's not over until it's over, our hard work will pay off. Jiayou!

this post shows ADD

2009-03-02T19:37:00.004+08:00

Hoho. Guess what? After hopping from my blog to another one of my links's credits followed by another random blog, I found a link-my name! Ahahaha, so funny. It's a guy by the way. Come think of it my name is not that uncommon afterall. I remember is primary school there was this girl who had the same name as me who was top in level in my younger brother's cohort!

----

Today's CS paper was... Okay, it was TOUGH but managable. There are people who haven't taken the test yet, so I shall not elaborate. Jiayou anyway people!

----

Feel like learning new song all of a sudden. Part of that joy element I adopted perhaps? I like my life now with spritual focus, on God! (: Leading a cui-focussed life just makes you more cui, like pointed out. Comparing cui-ness of life just cuis people out!

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.-Psalms 118:24

Everything starts today, including joy. Rejoice by singing. Okay off to learn new song. Digressing like crazy, all part of ADD I think?

joy is not a synonym of happy

2009-03-01T09:52:00.003+08:00

There is an answer to everything unhappy: JOY! Haha, sounds familiar?

Saturday is a day to recharge my life with service and the crazy peepos of WESTF(TW) haha. Cherish today. Joy starts today, it is from within. I have learnt that we might not be happy everyday, but we can be joyful everyday. For happiness is situation dependent but joy is given by God, it is a gift, just like today, the PRESENT. This might sound cliche, but how many really understand the real meaning of it?

I have learnt that to be joyful, one must learn how to COUNT OUR BLESSINGS. :D There are so many things to be thankful for. I can think of one very apt example now. My ankle. Refer to my sister's blog for how I fell. I am thankful that it doesn't hurt that badly and that I can still walk like I am lame, better than not being able to walk at all.

Look at my ankle. It LOOKS normal despite the sprain when I fell at Nexus. :O It felt okay, until about 5 hours later that it started to hurt really bad. The thing was we were playing a game, and we were supposed to find 5 people with the same coloured socks. And all of us with white socks form WESTF started running down the stairs, and then I tripped and fell. So embarassing! Haha, but I'm used to all the accidents that happen to me. According to Xuelun, having minor accidents prevents major illnesses, so, oh well. I guess that is HEALTH(!!) -.- for me.

gibberish academia

2009-02-26T19:57:00.004+08:00

Intoxination, is the feeling.

Oreo blueberry ice yogurt is <3ed.

I love it to bits an pieces, it's like you're swallowing dew and rainbows! I haven't drank it for a long long time, oh mine. This makes me love it even more hahahahaha.

I'm super grateful for having no homework this week to all the teachers, it has been an easy and relatively relaxing one since they simultaneously decided to not give homework at the same time. Time to take deep breaths before life plunges into hiongness once again. But I thank God for the 'eye' of the tropical cyclone anyway, although I still have a rear vortex to survive.

----

Trying in a way, or another to rekindle my passion for something I used to love alot. But the situation now seems different. In general, being around people who don't have the same enthusiasm extinguishes the burning splint I've tried to light deep down within with a 'pop' sound. What effortless hydrogen, light, carefree, unstable and irresponsible. It used to be oxygen, sometime ago, relighting passion with it's presence, relighting the spirit of life. And mind you, oxygen is essential for survival. I miss the oxygen days. It is like breathing hydrogen now, I feel suffocated and insecure. To a very large extend as well, floaty, just like hydorgen. I just can't settle for anything other than oxygen. Well, we can't live on it, that is.

pie of joy

2009-02-24T20:58:00.003+08:00

the joy pie! <3

I've been wanting to change URL for ages, but never found a good enough one, until there was a certain inspiration today.

The idea: pie, with filing form within.

Our hearts are like pie crusts that needs to be filled, and God fills them for us with LOVE AND GRACE and then we can be filled with joy! :D Delicious as it seems, this URL's imagery meaning is what makes me love it alot. HAHA. (:

fruitful

2009-02-23T18:06:00.006+08:00

I spent Friday night mugging with Nic, doing maths till my eyelids couldn't open anymore. I reached home at like... 11? Uh, I did get a mini lecture for staying out late, but the main point is that, it helped! As is we were quite complimentary of what each of us don't know or are unsure of. Oh, we love maths. (: No, I'm not being sacarstic here I just happen to realise that loving the things you do makes you do them well. Haha. :D

Then Saturday was CO followed by combined service! Oh I love these people alot already! :D Ya blah blah I went all teary again singing worship songs, and yea, well I suppose I appeared like an emo kid. AH! But whatever, I don't think there's anything is particular to be ashamed of anyway. I'm just glad that I was be to go, I want this to last.

Then came Sunday. I was walking along this corridor in particular and saw a poster about miracle healing. Wow. And during prayermeet today, I told the rest about it. I thought it was a calling for me to do something. Still one word: FAITH. Seriously sometimes, I really think God like plans my life for me and all I have to do is obey, with faith. I'm also glad there is no homeowrk today, so I can study for CS and then go for care group on Wednesday! There is nothing to stop faith. Yay. God works wonders, He is so real in my life. :DD Example, I got a peace of mind during maths test, which was what I really, really needed. And like Yun Yi said today, all this mugging is for Him and not other worldly things, example a bicycle promised you. *inserts the errnnggg sound effect* Haha.

Oh, yea and sometimes I've learnt it's better not to judge. I mean I don't think I should judge, it's not good because there's always more than it meets the eye. Some people have something in them, that we might fail to see. Somethings, too, are made up of many factors. Oh, well.

the tsunami in my face

2009-02-18T20:46:00.004+08:00

Oh I thank God for these wonderful bunch of people, who I can talk almost everything to when we just knew each other for like, 4 days? I suppose friendship built with God is great because there's lots of love! (: And someone loves food like me, while another is crazy and high like me. Screaming and stepping on ballons might seem childish, but with them care group today was fun!

Plus the fact that I was apparently super coorperative to their convenience for their surprise for me. Thank you guys, I appreciate the time we spent having fun and learning more about God. Thanks for the explainations to everything new, guiding this newbie along. Haha.

I realised that like Fong Yee pointed out, there is always this hole in our hearts that can never be filled unless we have God, and that we can feel joyful even when things go wrong and chaotic in the outside world and I can't help but agree. I felt blessed with His grace when I was standing infront of what I would call verbal aggressors and still face adversity bravely. I felt guided, whole, joyful despite all the shit that was thrown at me, I thought I could handle them quite well. I didn't feel angry or anything like that, it just seemed...normal, I guess? Oh well, although I could have appeared helpless. Some people must think I am crazy, being joyful in face of disaster? Like a coast, I am worst hit by this tsunami. But well, I survived. :D

ramblings

2009-02-15T18:58:00.002+08:00

It was a meaningful Valentine's Day. (: I think I have learnt my priortities better and I'm thankful for each day, and everyone still important to me. Hatred is scary. It takes so much energy to hate someone, find fault with someone and making his/her life miserable. The truth is, quote the movie we watched "they are just miserable people trying to make your life miserable" How true is it? I don't think that is up to me to prove. I just hope thinks get better. Meanwhile, I steer clear of trouble as best as I can.

Urrgh. And my maths, for the first time I'm getting a A1, it might not even be counted. URRGGGHHH. These people have no idea how they crush the dreams of a maths noob. Rawr.

I just realised. Domo is cute!

Someone has been saying I haven't blogged for ages.

The truth is: I have been lagging thanks to my computer who died. Haha!

i had a source.

2009-02-08T08:30:00.004+08:00

I thought this was quite a good solution for identity crisis. Thanks Zhi Ying, got this website from your blog.

seething.

2009-02-08T07:46:00.006+08:00

Seeking refuge, finding comfort in mundane things, thinking crazy thoughts.

I think what I've been doing is trying to keep myself busy, and seem very occupied. Maybe like a certain someone pointed out I can't stand having nothing to do or having no one to talk to. Humans are group creatures. HAAHAA.

Seemingly the whole world is busy with tuition, and my mom out of the blue moon asked me if I needed any. Well, I can't find any that suits me, so for the time being, no. The problem is our curriculum is different it is indeed very hard to find one. D: But I do hope I survive.

Out of sorts, out of place. Am I behind everyone, or that everyone is behind me? It seems like both although it can't possibly be both. -.-

I can't talk sense now that I'm suffering this major identity crisis. I can't find anyway out of this. It's like being trapped in a room with 4 walls and nothing else. URRGGGH. When past nightmares are back to haunt you, it isn't a very nice feeling you know.

It sucks when you know people are wrong and can do nothing about it. This applies in more than place, I must say. I get so irritated when people don't treat something important seriously, and pretend it's nothing at all.

Indifference is the opposite of love because you don't care at all. Not hate. At least you still care when you hate.